To be or not to be?
by SCprincessSC
Summary: starts from second year when Lily discovers James likes her. Only, she hates his guts. LJ fic  DH spoilers!
1. at the start

"Oh, god," moaned Alice next to her when she checked her schedule over again. "How could the do this? Give us _double_ potions?" 

"Oh, potions isn't that bad," said Lily defensively.

"Yeah, you only say that becasue you're good at it and Slughorn likes you," said Alice, almost accusingly. "Besides, I bet you even forgot to notice who we're having the lessons _with_."

"Hufflepuff?" asked Lily, absently chewing on the end of her quill and looking down at her Transfiguration essay.

"No, Slytherin," sighed Alice. Lily spluttered and looked up at Alice, desperately trying to trace if she was joking. She wasn't.

"Oh god, oh god," moaned Lily, burying her head in her hands. "This is not going to work out, that's for sure."

"Tell me about it. They hate you, no offence."

"None taken," grumbled Lily. All of a sudden, the common room door slammed open and the marauders strode in. Lily groaned. Sure she liked Remus, he was nice and friendly, but Sirius, even with his award- winning smile, she loathed. Maybe it was the fact that he was the best friend of James who she loathed even _more._ As for Peter, he was..well.._passable._

"God, they are the _worst_," muttered Casey another friend of Lily's, settling back against an armchair close to Lily and Alice.

Lily had always thought nobody could possibly despise Potter and Black more then her, but Casey pulled all doubts of that away from her. She didn't exactly know why Casey hated them, but she never bothered to ask.

"Still struggling on that essay, eh?" asked Casey, her brown eyes' twinkling.

"I'm not struggling!" growled Lily. She hated admitting that she wasn't good in some subjects.

"Alice! What are you doing here!" cried Casey. Alice jumped up.

"What?" Lily and Alice asked in unison.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a date with Frank?" asked Casey, looking slightly worried. Alice yelped.

"Oh my god! I totally forgot! Is he gonna be mad?"

"You should bloody well hope not!" retorted Casey. "Now get downstairs!"

Alice rushed downstairs, her light brown hair whipping behind her. Casey then turned to Lily, looking relieved.

"Great, we've got rid of her. Now I've got something to tell you..."


	2. Jealous?

"Alright, lilykins?" called out Sirius as Lily came down from the Gryffindor common room early in the morning. She turned to Sirius and scowled. 

"Honestly, Sirius, could you quit calling me that!" she snapped. Sirius's smile did not falter, instead he advanced on Lily, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer. Lily was too stunned to move.

"Well, first of all, that name's kind of grown on me and seocnd of all, I have a question for you..."

"What is it?" asked Lily wearily.

"Why do you hang out with old Snivellus?" he asked, smiling slightly. Lily pulled away and dragged her wand out of the pocket of her robes.

"Don't call him that!" she cried. Sirius held his hands up defensively. There was a chuckle behind Sirius. Lily's eyes' scanned the common room. A familiar figure stepped out behuind Sirius. James.

"Tut, tut, temper Evans..."

"Oh, shut up, Potter!" snarled Lily, now pointing the wand at him. James sighed and shook his head.

"Honestly, Evans. We're just warning you against him."

"He's my friend! I don't really appreciate people bad- mouthing him and hexing him every chance they get!"

"Hey, Evans, we hex him for a reason," said James, his bright hazel eyes' twinkling.

"Yeah," laughed Sirius, joining in. "I mean, have you seen his nose-"

"SILENCIO!" shrieked Lily at Sirius. Sirius opened his mouth, but immeditaely found out he couldn't speak. James took one look at him and laughed so hard, he practically had to hold against one of the chintz armchairs by the fireplace to stop himself from collapsing on the ground.

"Would you like to be next?" asked Lily, pointing her wand at him threateningly. James shut up.

"Ah, Evans," said James. "You make me laugh."

"Ditto," said Sirius grinning, He seemed to have pulled himself out of the charm. Lily snarled and hurried out of the common room.

"Evans, wait!" yelled James. She stopped and turned around to see Sirius and James' running towards her.

"We decided that since we were all going to potions, why don't we walk to the dungeons together?" asked Sirius brightly, grabbing Lily's arm and linked it through his own. James did that same but she pulled away from him. She thought she saw a hurt look pass through his eyes' but ignored it. She barely heard James and Sirius, who chatted animatedly on either side of her. The only words she caught were' Professor Binns' and 'prank'. They walked into the classroom together, and as they passed to their desks, the girls' flash looks of jealousy in their direction. Lily thought she saw Severus Snape, her best friend flash the same look, but it must've been a figment of her imgination.

"Hi, Sev!" she said, smiling and sitting on the vacant chair next to him. He smiled back.

"Right, class!" shouted Professor Slughorn, their potions master, clapping his hands together so loud, several people nearly jumped out of their chairs.

"I'd like you to all turn to page 51, giving you instructions on how to make 'Draught of living death..." Lily turned to the page and got to work, stirring together the ingredients in her cauldron, trying to avoid Severus looking at her intensely...


	3. confession

"God, I'm so glad to be out of the dungeons!" exclaimed Lily, settling down on the bright green grass near the lakeside. Severus sat down next to her, his eyes' fized on the water. "It's so cold down there!" 

"Yeah," murmered Severus. Lily looked at him closely.

"You alright, Sev?" she asked. Severus tried his best to avoid her her eyes. Her beautiful emerald eyes' now dark with concern and worry.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he muttered. Lily smiled.

"Good," she said. They sat staring at the water, counting the ripples. Lily started humming and Severus could not believe how soft her voice was. Melodious... it was almost enough to put a baby to sleep...

Lily sat, unaware her best friend was struggling back wave after wave of emotions he had held inside him even since he had first seen her. He could just tell her now how he felt about her. But what if she laughed at him...? And what about Potter? he thought bitterly. If they got together, which was next to impossible, Potter would kill him. He'd loved Lily ever since he saw her. But Severus had loved Lily longer... Unable to contain it anymore, he spoke.

"Lily?" she turned to him, almost immediately, as if all this time, she had been waiting for him to spill his worries.

"Yeah?" Severus sat silently, slowly taking in her bright red hair, flowing behind her back against the cool wind, her pale skin, devoid of any emotion besides calm...her eyes'..

"Lily, I-"

"LILY!" called out someone. She turned around and saw Casey and Alice running towards them, looking quite scared.

"Lily, we've been looking for you everwhere!" said Casey, while Alice kneeled down and tried to catch her breath. Lily, immediately sensing something was wrong stood up.

"What? What is it?"

"It's Mary Mcdonald! Someone used the Cruciatus curse on her and left her lying on the floor!"

Lily gasped loudly.

"Oh my god! Is she okay?"

"We don't know yet! She's still in the hospital wing. Come on!" said Alice, finally recovering and grabbed Lily's arm. The three of them hurried towards the school, leaving Severus sitting on his own. Maybe if Lily had turned around, she would have seen the tears trickling down his face...


	4. revenge?

**Okay, so I took 'Madam Malkins' or whatever from the lady in Diagon Alley who sold robes! I just thought Madam Promfrey would only be like a kid back in Lily and James's time. I know the story is boring at first, but it improves. Double promise :D**

"Who did it?" whispered Lily silently to the other friends surrounding the bed.

"No one knows," Casey whispered back. Lily grasped Mary's frail hand in hers.

"She looks weak," she said, feeling the tears prickling in her eyes'.

"_Too_ weak," murmered Alice. All of a sudden, Lily burst out crying. The girls' weren't suprised to see her break down. Lily was probably the most kindest person they had ever met. She always got upset at someone else's discomfort, was always there to give advice, was always there to console an upset person.

"Hey, hey," said Casey comfortingly putting an arm around Lily. "Everything's going to be okay. She's going to get better..."

"Yeah, us Gryffindors fight to the bitter end," said Alice jokingly. Lily found herself laughing through her tears. She was glad they were there to comfort her or she might have found herself in the hospital bed next to Mary, suffering from emotional breakdown...

"Right, that's enough time," said Madam Malkins, shooing them out. When she caught sight of Lily, her eyes' softened.

"Don't worry, dear. She'll get better soon." Lily nodded and wiped the tears off her face with the edge of her robe- sleeve.

"Come on, let's go," murmered Alice, taking Lily's hand and guiding her out of the hospital wing.

Lily entered the packed common room. Nearly everyone in there had worried faces and some of the girls' were crying.

"Well, word spreads fast," said Casey.

"Lily! Are you okay?" asked Sirius, catching sight of her. Lily nodded. She didn't want to talk, because if she did, she might find herself crying again. Remus gave her a small smile. She didn't even want to think of looking at Potter. She would break down utterly.

"Why don't we go to our domitory?" offered Alice, catching sight of Lily. She knew her like an open book.

"Yeah, we should get some rest. It was a hard day today," said Casey, grabbing Lily quickly and pulling her up the stairs.

"We're going to find out who did this, Evans!" called James after her. She didn't say anything, but she knew James took her silence as a mark of appreciation. But Potter wasn't going to be the only one who did this. Lily was going to find out too. And whoever did this, was going to pay. Big time...


	5. anxiety and anger

Much to the relief of many of the Gryffindors, Mary Mcdonald was released from the hospital wing two weeks after the attack. Yet only a few observant people realised they were under continous supervision of Professor Mcgonagall and many other teachers. The rest chose to ignore this. Mary faced countless questions the day she came back. 

"Who did it?"

"How did it feel?"

"What did your parents say?"

"I wish they'd stop pestering me," growled Mary, taking a seat in between Frank and Lily.

"OI, BOG OFF!" roared Casey, her eyes' wild with anger. The surrounding students scattered quickly.

"Thanks," said Mary gratefully, flashing Casey a smile.

"So, you don't remember anything?" asked Lily reluctantly. Mary turned to her.

"No. No matter how hard I try to remember, it just doesn't come back.. Even Dumbledore asked me. All I remember is someone suddenly pulling me into this dark room and then...then everything hurt for a while and then...it just went blank."

"Whoa," said Frank. Alice shifted her gaze from Frank to Alice then back again. Casey sighed loudly.

"What?" asked Frank.

"Well, I don't really think it's going to be someone in Gryffindor, do you?" Alice snorted.

"Come on, Cas. Of course it isn't. Everyone likes Mary." Lily's eyes' drifted to everyone in the common room, falling onto a person called Janet Osland, who was a bit of a bitch but wouldn't really do anything like that. Or would she...?

"Face it, it has to be someone who hates Mary. Why would they pick some random person to..."

"Slytherin," said Lily automatically, without thinking. They all looked at her.

"What? Why?" asked Alice looking confused.

"Well...Slytherin's _do_ hate Gryffindors'." said Lily slowly, willing them to comprehend the situation.

"Yeah," muttered Alice. "Now Lily mentions it... hang on, let's be more precise. Slytherins hate _muggle borns_."

"Yeah. Mary is a muggle- born," said Frak promptly.

"Slytherins' _despise_ muggle borns," added Casey.

"Great. Just perfect. Does this mean that the Slytherins' are now just going to start attacking every muggle born that falls under their gaze?" asked Alice.

Lily did not need an explantion for the goosebumps rising on her arm.

**3 years later**

"I failed that defence against the dark arts exam, I know it," cried Janet, whacking countless pieces of parchment and some books onto a library table. Several people looked up from their studying and scowled but she ignored them, swearing under her breath.

"Deep breath," instructed Lily. "It will all be better after that."

"Yeah, easy for you to say. Lily bloody _perfect_ Evans. All the teachers like _you_. You get top marks in every bloody subject." Lily didn't say anything since she had the feeling Janet was going to cry any moment.

"And I'm just a stupid no one who barely knows the difference between Amortentia and The Polyjuice potion!" sobbing, she dropped down on a wooden chair and gave in to two weeks of distress.

"Hey, everything's going to be okay," soothed Lily, wrapping an arm around her. "You'll see. Hell, you'll probably be top of the class in Transfiguration!" Janet snorted.

"Yeah, right. I can barely beat Potter and Black. I don't think anyone can..." The mention of James made Lily's insides shake with rage. That arrogant toerag... how mnay times had he asked her out these past few days? Forget that, these past few years...

"Lily? You okay?" asked Janet. Lily shook her head off the thoughts and turned to Janet.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, what say we go down to the lakeside? Get a bit of fresh air? It's a beautiful day..."

"Yeah..." said Janet, glancing out of the window which showed the purest golden rays of sun shining through. "Yeah, why don't I? I deserve a bit of relaxation after all the work today."

"You most certainly do," agreed Lily. Walking outside, they saw Alice and Casey and several other friends of theirs dipping their legs in the water. When they caught sight of them, they waved.

"Lily! Janet! Come over here!"" They walked over to them.

"So you're finally taking a break," smiled Casey at Janet. Janet grinned back. They had been friends with Janet since third year and discovered she wasn't as mean as she seemed. She was nice, caring and very generous and they all loved her to bits.

"God, that defence against the dark arts exam was so..."

"NO!" shouted Lily, covering her ears. "No more talk of exams. If I hear that word again, I will surely scream!" The girls' laughed.

"Seriously though, did you-" Casey was cut off when they heard laughing somewhere behind them. All four girls turned around and saw James and Sirius hexing Severus Snape. Lily was filled with such an intense wave of anger, it almost choked her. Pulling her wand out of her robes, she strode towards the boys...


	6. end of friendship?

Lily distinctly heard James yell "SCOURGIFY!" at Severus and she watched, horrified, as her best friend's mouth filled with pink froth, gagging him-  
"Leave him ALONE!" screamed Lily. James and Sirius looked around. 

"Alright, Evans?" asked James. Lily glared at him.

"Leave him alone. What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James slowly. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..." Most of the students around Lily laughed. Including Sirius, James and Peter. Lily felt heat rush to her cheeks, anger at having her best friend humiliated in front of most of the school...

"You think you're funny," she said coldly, struggling with the urge to punvh him in the face. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Now leave him _alone_."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly, his eyes' bright with hope. "Go on...go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." Lily saw out of the corner of her eye the impediment jinx wearing out on Severus. She saw him reaching for his wand. And for some reason, she didn't want him to hurt James... Angry at this feeling, she said coldly to James, "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, and turned back to face his opponent. Too late. Severus directed his wand at James. There was a flash of light and a gash appeared on James's face. Blood imediately spattered his robes. Lily gasped loudly. A split second later, James whirled about; another flash again and Severus was hanging in the air. His robes fell over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of greying underpants. Some people around Lily whooped and cheered. Sirius, James and Peter roared with laughter. Lily bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from laughing at him too...

"Let him down," she told James.

"Certainly," said James, jerking his wand upwards. Severus fell to the floor. Lily let out a sigh of relief which was quickly extinguished when she saw Severus pointing his wand up...

"Petrificus totalus!" yelled Sirius. Severus abruptly keeled over, rigid as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She pulled her own wand out and pointed it at Sirius. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!" James sighed deeply, then turned to Severus and muttered the counter curse.

"There you go," said James. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!" Lily stood, rooted to the spot. No, he hadn't...but he had. Her best friend had just said that... Lily blinked.

"Fine," she said, shooting Severus a death glare. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

"Apologise to Evans!" roared James angrily, his wand pointed threateningly at Severus.

"I din't want _you_ to make him apologise!" shouted Lily, rounding on him. "You're just as bad as he is!"

"What?" yelped James defensively, his hazel eyes' wild. "I'd NEVER call you a you- know- what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just gotten off your broomstick, showing off with that _stupid_ snitch, walking down corridors and hexing people just becasue you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK." Lily turned on her heel and marched away, ignoring him calling her. She had had enough of him. She didn't stop by the water edge to talk to her friends, she carried on into the school, all the way upto her dormitory, quickly changed, then flung herself onto her four- poster bed and cried herself to sleep.


	7. secrets

"Lily?" whispered someone, gently shaking here. "Lily?" 

"Hmm?" asked Lily groggily. Slowly sitting up in her bed, she squinted in the darkness and aw Mary's anxious face looking down at her.

"Oh god. How long have I been sleeping for?" asked Lily, now alert.

"A couple of hours... you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," replied Lily. She stifled a yawn.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," said Mary apologetically. "It's just... Severus is waiting for you downstairs."

"What?" asked Lily, confused.

"Yeah, he's outside the portrait hole. He says he won't go until he's spoken to you. He's even threatened to sleep outside..." Lily groaned. Swinging her legs over her bed, she got up.

"I'd better go and see what he wants," she told Mary grudgingly. Mary nodded and scuffled over to her bed opposite Lily's. Lily made her way downstairs and was quite astonished to see the common room empty. Normally, the maruders' would be up at a time like this. Wierd... She walked to the portrait hole and opened the door to see Severus pacing up and down, talking to himself. When he caught sight of her, he stopped short. A silence hung over them.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly.

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!" he said again, desperately.

"Save your breath. I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you a mudblood it just-"

"Slipped out?" asked Lily angrily. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little death eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join you- know- who can you?" Severus opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"I can't pretend anymore," carried on Lily. "You've chosed your way, I've chosen mine."

"No- listen, I didn't mean-"

"To call me mudblood? But you call everyone else of my birth mudblood, Severus, why should I be any different?" He struggled to talk again, but shooting him a look of scorn, Lily climbed back through the hole. She didn't want to ever see him again. Trudging back up the stairs, she silently sat on her bed, thinking. Making up her mind, she pulled a trouser and long sleeved white tee shirt out of her cupboard. She needed some air. Pulling her hair free of her headband, she made her way downstairs, and couldn't help thinking again where the marauders were. She held her breath as she climbed through the portrait hole but was glad to see Severus wasn't there. Good. The rest was easy. She didn't have to really hide from the caretaker since he was so blind, and she was slim so she found she could slip in between small walls easily. By the time she was outside, it started drizzling slightly. Rubbing her arms, she ventured further away from the castle, more into the darkness, letting it engulf her.

As she walked on, she thought she heard a wolf cry. Shaking her head, she blindly walked on. It started pouring then. The rain droplets fell onto Lily, plastering her dark red hair to her face, drenching her clothes so it stuck to her curves. Lily couldn't help crying then. She had lost a friend. Her best friend. Her Slytherin friend. Her mind wandered to the time they had first met... when she was playing on the swings with Petunia. She couldn't help smiling at the memory. Suddenly, a branch broke behind her. Whirling around, Lily instinctinvely dug her hand into her pocket. Then with a falling heart, she realised she hadn't brought it with her. Damn. Keeping her eyes' on the spot she had heard the noise, she cautiously moved backwards. And then it came out. Lily gasped. It was a stag. But not just a stag. It was the most beautiful, graceful stag she had ever seen. It stood on the same spot as if it too, was stunned to see the other. Then it slowly moved forward, towards Lily, stopped then looked up at her. Lily giggled. Bending down, she looked down at the stag. Lifting a hand, she gently stroked its side. It bowed its head and nuzzled her neck. Lily laughed. It looked up at her. It's eyes' were quite startling. A vivid hazel. She could've sworn she had seen those eyes' before... but where- There was a sudden clap of thunder. gasping, Lily abruptly stood up. The stag was still watching her. She stared at it for a moment, stroked it one more time then headed back to the castle. But the stag still stayed where it was, watching...


	8. The truth

Lily woke up late the next morning, and was apalled to see she had slept in her wet clothes. She gave a small shriek, which she quickly muffled, scared she would wake everyone up. But they had all gone. Lily gronaed loudly, closed her eyes' and collapsed back onto her bed. She had probably already missed potions- her favourite lesson- with Professor Slughorn. She sat up, then noticed a piece of folded paper on top of her bed. She leaned forward and plucked the paper from the bedsheet. She eagerly opened it. It read: 

_Hey! Sorry we didn't wake you up, it's just you looked like you had a rough night!  
Me, Janet and Alice are going down for breakfast. You stay where you are, missy, you need the rest, especially after what happened yesterday. We'll be up to check on you soon!  
Ciao, Bella!  
Casey_

Lily couldn't help grinning at her friend's thoughtfulness. She looked down at herself. Yup, she definitely needed a shower. Grabbing clean clothes, she headed out.

Lily sat in the common room fifteen minutes after her shower. She was just adding some notes to her Charms essay when the portrait door swung open and Casey, Janet, Alice and Frank came through. Lily beamed at them as they took seats next to her.

"Hey, Lily! You okay?" asked Frank as Alice moved closer to him.

"Yeah, I'm great!" said Lily happily. "How was your day?"

"Urgh! Tiresome!" interrupted Casey. "Slughorn made us make Amortentia! I mean, could he _find_ a more difficult potion for us? He was _devastated_ you weren't there of course," she said, sending a grin in Lily's direction. Lily rolled her eyes'.

"I liked making it!" said Janet enthusiastically.

"Can we turn the subject away from love potions, please?" asked Alice angrily. She turned to Lily. "We saw Severus today. He looked pretty upset..."

"Yeah, Mary told us what happened last night," said Janet.

"Yeah, well, he said sorry, but I've just had enough," shrugged Lily. "Our friendship couldn't possibly work out. A muggleborn and a... a wannabe death eater." The words stung Lily as they came out of her mouth.

"Yeah, well Gryffindors and Slytherins have hated each other for centuries," said Frank wisely. The crowd nodded in agreement.

Lily's eyes' fell to her watch for the fourth time that evening and she streched once again. Rubbing her eyes', she sighed and looked down at her essay. She had not quite finished it yet. She'd scrawled right down to the bottom of her parchment, and actually went to the extent of writing smaller to fit more of her work in. But it just wouldn't work. Lily was angry. She could've thought to buy more parchment when she was out, but the thought passed her when her eyes' caught sight of the honeyduke's sweets... Lily didn't invite the idea of waking her friends up for a ridiculous piece of parchement. That would annoy them. Lily stood up and strecthed again. And then her eyes' fell on it. It was a piece of parchemnt sitting, blank on a table not far from her. Parying her thanks to god, she walked over to it, grabbed it and flung herself back on the seat. Dipping her quill inside startingly black ink, she wrote her name on the parchment.

Lily Evans

Turning to dip her quill inside the ink again, she raised her quill to the parchment. And frowned. Her words had dissapeared. And new ones were spreading through...

_Mr Moony says 'Hey, Lily! I take it you're still srtruggling on that essay?' _ Lily's jaw dropped.

_Mr Prongs says 'Evans! Wanna go out with me?'_ Lily didn't think this could get possibly worse, but there was more

_Mr Padfoot says 'Lilykins! What are you doing up at this time of the night?'_

_Mr Wormtail says 'I solemly swear I am up to no good'_

Prongs...she had heard Sirius call James that on many occasions. And Lilykins- _Sirius_ called her that. Very annoying.  
And what did Wormtail mean when he said _'I solemly swear I am up to no good_?' Almost as if they were reading her mind, words appeared fast on the map.

_Say it, Evans._

Lily raised an eyebrow. Should she? She looked at the words again, thinking for a moment. Finally, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at the map.

"_I solemly swear that I am up to no good_." Immediately, lines began forming, criss- crossing against each other. Lily leaned in, fascinated, watching them develop. But what really caught her attention were little tiny black dots moving around or staying in one place. Grasping the map in between her hands, she raised it up to the light. Her emerald green eyes' widened.  
They were names. Names of students. Possibly every single student she had every seen or spoken to in Hogwarts. Lily's eyes' trailed to were it said 'Third floor corridor' It settled on a place where it said 'Gryffindor tower' and passed through into the Gryffindor common room. And saw her name. For a minute, she stared in the spot where her name wavered in the air. Then, quite reluctantly, she stood up, moved a few steps forward to the middle of the common room. She looked at the map again. The Lily Evans on the map had mimicked her motions. Liy stared, excited at the map. What should she do? Her eyes' hungrily took in every detail of the map. Then she suddenly heard a bang and voices.

"Honestly, Peter, how could you be so _stupid_, leaving it on the table," she heard Sirus say angrily.

"I didn't _mean_ to," came a squeaky voice which Lily was pretty sure was Peter's.

"Oh, it doesn't matter," she heard James snap. Her heart gave a tiny jolt. "No one could _possibly_ find out what's on that map. Only if we bewitched it to make it show the details to someone."

"And you'd only let one person view that, Prongs," she head Sirius say, somewhat sarcastically. And then the portrait door swung open.

"Oh, hello Lily," said Remus absently when he spotted her. The other three turned around. Lily thought it must've looked wierd, her standing in the middle of the common room with a blank expression on her face. Finally, she decided to give in. She raised her hand, the one with the map in it and asked "Looking for this?" Silence.

Then Sirius laughed. He sounded somewhat relieved.

Thank god _you_ found it, Lily," said Peter, letting out a breath.

"I was actually going to use the parchment for my Charms essay, but I realised it had more... worthwhile attributes..." The foursome laughed.

"So you got in, huh?" asked Remus, smiling. Lily nodded, folding the map. She walked forward towards Janes and handed it to him. He laughed softly. Lily looked up, bewildered. Emerald met Hazel.

"Stag?" asked Lily, taken off guard. Silence again.

Then James spoke in a low voice. "What did you say?"

"Oh...erm...I was just saying...I was referring to the essay- researching on stags and stuff..." Lily babbled, flustered.

The excuse sounded lame as soon as it came out of her mouth. They all stood awkwardly in the same spot for a second.

"Er...gotta go!" said Lily. She grabbed her book bag and essay and ran up to the girl's dormitory, slamming the door behind her and leaving the four boys' downstairs speechless.


	9. The Polyjuice Potion

"I am _not_ going home for Christmas!" hissed Lily, dumping her book bag next to Alice and flopping onto the couch. 

"I mean, my parents expect me to go home for Christmas, when they know full well Tuney hates me. She'll ruin _everything_! Oh yeah, and another thing, she has a boyfriend!" Alice looked like she was struggling to hold back her laughter.

"What?" she asked finally.

"Yeah. His name is Vernon Dursley," said Lily bitterly. Alice covered her mouth and snickered. Lily grinned. It _was_ a kind of silly name for a guy.

"Honestly, though. Who the hell would want to date your _sister_?" Lily shrugged. Alice shook her head, laughing, then gathered her books.

"Well, I can't stay for Christmas. All my relatives are coming home. Oh, and Frank is staying with us for Christmas, too." Lily noticed Alice blush as she said the last bit.

"Is that right?" she asked, mildly interested. Alice nodded.

"I don't think any of the girls' are staying at Hogwarts." Lily looked distressed at this news, but Alice quickly reassured her.

"I think Casey's staying, though. She was saying something about her mum needing a vacation- away from the kids." Lily raised an eyebrow. Casey's family sure was mean.

"Well, I'd better get going. I promised Frank I'd meet him at lunch." Gathering her books, she sat off, giving a wave to Lily as she walked away.

"Now, who would like to identify these three potions?" asked Slughorn, pointing at three small goblets of potions standing on his desk. Lily's hand shot up. Slughorn beamed.

"Yes, Miss Evans?" he asked.

"Well, the first is Amortentia, a love potion," she said enthusiastically, flashing a smile at a scowling Casey sitting behind her. "The second is a Calming potion. And the third is the Polyjuice potion. It can give you the ability to take someone else's form when you use your victim's DNA."

Lily didn't know whether she was imagining things, but she thought she saw James's eyes' spark with interest when she explained the last one.

"Excellent, excellent, ten points to Gryffindor," said Slughorn happily. The Hufflepuffs' let out a frustrated groan.

"Well, it's _your_ fault!" snarled Casey, rounding on them. "Quit being dunderheads and start answering questions for once in your life!" The Gryffindors laughed loudly. The Hufflepuffs looked down in a mixture of fear and embarassment.

"Now, now, Miss Anderson, let's keep personal opinions to ourselves." Casey leaned back in her seat, still flushing with anger.

"Now, turn to page 54. I have a surprise for you..." said Slughorn, his eyes' twinkling. Lily turned to the right page. And stared.

"But, Professor," stated Casey again, much more angrier then she was a couple of minutes ago. "This is Felix Felicis! It's way too hard for us, and very dangerous!"

"Aaah, but that's the beauty of it," replied Slughorn, taking a seat in his chair.

"You gave us Amortentia a few days ago!" stormed Casey at Slughorn. "And it was bloody hard! So what makes you think we're going to be able to do this...this _crap_?" Slughorn looked like he was struggling down the urge to burst out laughing. Lily heard Sirius, James, Peter and Lupin laugh and she couldn't help but grin herself.

"Ah, Miss Anderson. You bring life to my class." Lily heard Casey mutter "I'll bring my wand next." Lily, still smiling, gathered her ingredients to start on her potion.

"Oh, that was hilarious, Case!" said Janet excitedly as she joined them.

"God, I hate him!" grumbled Casey. "Giving us potions that are meant for NEWT students."

"Maybe because he thinks we have the potential to do the more complicating ones," offered Lily. Casey snorted.

"Yeah, _you_ do, Lily," said Janet enviously. "We don't."

"Well, I promise as soon as I finish with the lucky potion, I'll share it with you two."

"Really?" asked Janet excitedly.

"Of course," said Lily. The three then walked off towards the school grounds.

**Christmas**

"Merry Chrsistams, Lily!" Lily heard someone scream. Groaning, she sat up in bed to see Casey beaming at her across the room, fully dressed and opening up a mound of presents at the foot of her bed.

"Oh, happy Chrsitmas," yawned Lily. She noticed there was a mound of presents next to her too. Delighted, she leapt up and began unwrapping them.

There was an enchanted jewellry box from Alice that seemed to whisk up any kind of jewelly you were in aid of out of thin air.

"Oh, I got that one too!" called out Casey excitedly. Lily grinned and sat it on her bed, moving to unwrap the rest.

There was a huge box of chocolate frogs from Janet. Lily notcied a small, neatly wrapped up present. She opened it and gasped.

"Oh, that would be from me," said Casey happily. Lily looked back at the present. It was a gorgoeus silky emerald green scarf, the exact colour of her eyes.

"Thanks!" she breathed, looking up at Casey. She grinned.

"No problem." Casey lifted her wrist and glanced at her watch.

"Well, I'm off. I'm famished! I'll see you downstairs after you've unwrapped all your presents, yeah?" Lily nodded. Casey stretched, sent a wink in her direction and headed out. Lily decided to get dressed. Looking through her wardrobe, she settled on a fuzzy white jumper and black jeans. She brushed out her hair and let it cascade down her back in silky waves. Wrapping the emerald scarf around her neck, she was just starting to unwrap her presents again when she heard the door open. She looked up, startled. It was Casey.

"Oh," said Lily, surprised. "Thought you were going down for breakfast?" Casey shrugged.

"Couldn't be bothered." Lily thought Casey sounded a little odd, but shrugged it off, She opened her next package. It was a one pence piece from Petunia. Typical of her. Lily saw Casey staring at her out of the corner of her eye and she turned to her.

"Something wrong, Case?" she asked her. Casey smiled, walked forward, then gripped Lily by the shoulders.

"Lil,y I have a confession to make. I like you." Lily beamed at her.

"Aw, thanks, Casey! I like you too!"

"No, Lily," said Casey, smiling. Then her face turned serious. "I _really_ like you." Lily looked confused for a moment, then her face registered shock and...fear. She barely had time to gather her thoughts before Casey leaned forward...

"What? No!" cried Lily, pulling away from her grasp. "What the hell are you _doing_?" But even as she asked the question, she noticed that Casey was starting to look a little...different. Her hair was turning more black, her eyes' lighter. But the wierd thing was her hair seemed to be growing shorter, like it was getting pulled into her skull. Lily looked away confused. Then she grabbed her wand at the last second. Turning, she pointed it at Casey. And screamed.


	10. in the face of danger

_Potter_?!" Lily shrieked. 

"Yup."

"What- what-?" Lily shook her head. No, this couldn't be true. She looked up again. He was still smirking.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" she asked when she finally grabbed hold of her voice. He stepped forward, but she took a step back. His eyes' narrow, but he starts talking anyhow.

"Well, I just thought I'd have a little bit of Christmas fun..."

"Fun?" she repeated. Honestly, this boy was clearly disturbed. She pointed her wand at him. "You think it's _fun_ to drink polyjuice potion and try and seduce me in the body of- of- my best friend?" Lily make a face as she said this. Honestly, how disgusting could you get? She wouldn't be able to look Casey in the eyes for a long time...

"Where's Casey?" Lily asked. Potter sighs.

"In good hands." Lily took a step forward and pointed her want more angrily at him.

"Where _IS SHE_?" James sees that Lily is not in the mood to be messed around with, sighs again, then replies.

"Me and Sirius locked her in a store cupboard."

"What?" she exploded. "Potter, have you no _soul_? It's Christmas, for gods sake!" James smirks again.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?" Lily asked. " I mean- _urgghh_!" She walked past him, head in the air, but then he grabbed her by the arm.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lily asked, looking at him.

"I think you owe me something," he says with that annoying smirk again. Lily spluttered.

"_Me_? Owe _you_ something? I don't think so!" She yanked my arm away from him and carried on.

"You know, one day, Evans," he called out after her. "You'll realise we were meant to be together." Lily scowled at his words. God, he was so _conceited_. She walked through to the common room and found Remus sitting quietly by the fire, reading Hogwarts: a History. And she noticed Sirius doing the same, only he had this smile on his face like he was expecting her.

"_Black_!" Lily spat, charging towards him. He looked up, innocent face and sets his book down.

"Yes, lilykins?" he says with a heart- melting smile. Lily almost gives in. _Almost._

"Where did you put Casey?" she asks, trying to surpress the rage in her voice. His brows crease into a frown. Honestly, this guy would make an amazing actor one day.

"Casey?"

"_Yes_!" she shrieks. She grabbed hold of a pillow on top of one of the chairs and throws it at him. He laughs and catches it. "Where _is she_?"

"Relax, Evans," says James coolly from behind me. "She is in a safe place."

"Safe?" Lily asked sharply. "I swear to god- if you've done _anything_ to her, I'll-"

"What?" asks Sirius challengingly. Lily closed her eyes' and tried to remember her breathing exercises she had been taught ever since she was little. In. Out. In. Out. When she opened her eyes', Sirius and James were looking at her with amused expressions on their faces. Glaring at them both at the same time, she march out of the common room to search for her friend.

ily walked on, not really sure where she was going, just walking around, trying to get rid of her anger and trying to find Casey, which isn't a very easy feat. She leant against a wall and started breathing again. She can tell, without looking in a mirror, her cheeks would be flushed and her hair a tangled mess. She desperately smoothes it down. She passed more doors, walked down steps. It was actually a while before she realised she was in unfamiliar territory. She barely had time to contemplate the idea of going back to the common room when she felt a pair of hands immediately close over her mouth. Her screams muffled, she desperately kicked against her attacker, but they didn't move. She heard a door click open, and she was shoved into a room. It was big, empty and extremely dark. Then someone muttered "Lumos," and Lily looked in front of her and held back the urge to scream for a second time that day.

She saw Avery and Mulciber- friends of her ex- best friend, Severus Snape, cracking their fists menacingly at her. Lily gulped hard. And in front of them, smiling evilly, was Lucius Malfoy, head prefect.

"Well, well, look what we have here," he said silkily. "A mudblood."


	11. revelations

"What did you call me?" asked Lily, her eyes' narrowed dangerously. Mulciber and Avery laughed. Lucius smiled dangerously. 

"Mudblood. Dirty blood. Filthy scum." Lily was so angry, she was shaking. Just as she drew her wand, Lucius said something that made her freeze.

"How's your friend, _mudblood_? Mary Mcdonald, was it?" Lily blinked.

"What are you asking about _her_ for?" she replied. Lucius laughed softly.

"Well, of course I'm going to ask about her. Tell me, how is she feeling? Does she still have nightmares about the Cruciatus curse?" Mulciber snorted with lauughter.

"None of your business," snapped Lily. Lucius's smile immedaitely vanished.

"Oh, I think it is my business, mudblood," he said. "Since _I_ was the one who performed the Cruciatus curse on her." Lily stood still, breathing hard. So it _was_ a Slytherin. A Slytherin that hated muggle borns.

"Why did you do it?" she screamed, pointing her wand at Lucius. She felt a contained fury she had always directed towards him immediately release.

"_Expelliarmus_!" he yelled. Her wand flew out of her hand and landed somewhere between Avery and Lucius. Lucius turned back to her and smiled.

"I don't think I need a reason for this," he said. He moved closer to her, but to her astonishment, she realised she couldn't move. Lucius had wordlessely immobilised her. Trying to break free of the body binding curse, she ignored Lucius, who was looking down at her with piercing blue eyes'.

"Avery, Mulciber and I have come up with a new game, haven't we boys?" he asked them, without taking his eyes' off Lily. "The game is..." He stopped for effect. Lily took a deep breath, urging herself to calm down. She would never be able to think rationally like this.

"To perform the Cruciatus curse on every mudblood that reaches our sight." Lily felt the floor drop beaneath her. She knew they weren't joking. Slytherins never joked around. They were cold, ruthless beasts. And they were going to kill her.

"Give it your best shot!" snarled Lily. "Everyone's going to know it was you, anyway!"

"Oh no, they won't," said Lucius, grinning so widely, it was unnerving her. "Because we're going to perform a memory charm on you."

"I-" but before Lily had even started the sentence, Lucius shrieked "Crucio!" Lily dropped to the ground. She had never felt anything like this before. It was like people were repeatedly stabbing her in every part of her body. Dragging a knife out and plunging it into her again. Lily shrieked, high pitched and desperate. She was only aware of Lucius, Avery and Mulicber laughing. She writhed on the ground, breathing shallow from lack of oxygen.

"Please, _please_," she begged. "_Stop_." Lucius snarled.

"We have no sympathy for mudbloods." He kicked her on the chest, hard. She screamed with the intense pain. Then suddenly, the pain was gone. Lily lay on the floor, breathless. Her hair was damp with sweat.

"Crucio!" said Avery this time, and then the pain flooded her again, attacking every cell in her body. Lily didn't have the energy to shriek anymore. Every pain shooting through her was filled with bittnerness and anger. Lily lay twitching on the floor. Lucius raised his hand. Avery stopped and the pain faded away once again.

"Enough," he said, shooting Lily a look of disgust, he walked away. Avery lifted his middle finger up at her as he walked away. Mulciber kicked her in the face as he walked past. Then everything went black.

Lily woke up. Groaning, she sat up. And dropped back down. Her head was thumping as quick and as hard as her heart, her vision was blurred and she thought she could feel dried blood on her face. Lily panicked. She had to get out of there. She stood up, ignoring the diziness threatening to consume her and gripped onto the wall for support. She closed her eyes'. This was no use. Why couldn't she just lie here? Someone was going to come into this room sooner or later. They would see her on the floor. Or, maybe she would be dead by then. Maybe they would just see her _bones_ on the floor. Lily lay back and closed her eyes'. Light immediately filled in front of Lily's vision, invitingly warm. Lily almost succumbed to it. But, for some really wierd reason, The Sorting hat charged into her mind.

_**Flashback**_

"Evans, Lily!" called out a stern looking women, with dark brown hair swept into a tight bun. Lily slowly walked forward, her heart thumping fast. So loud, she could hear it in her ears. Taking a seat on the rickety old stoll, the lady dropped the hat on top of Lily's head. Lily nearly fell out of the stool when the started talking to her.

"Difficult. Frustratingly difficult. Outstanding talent I see, loyalty, witty- let me see? Should it be _Ravenclaw_ for you?" Lily sat on the chair, confused.

"No wait!" said the hat all of a sudden. "I see...courage! I see the determination to never give up! Yes, I definitely know where to put you! GRYFFINDOR!" roared the hat loudly, and the table at the far end cheered loudly.

_**end flashback.**_

Lily didnt know how, but this particular memory seemed to stir her senses. Gripping the wall harder, she took two steps, three steps, four. Finally reaching the door. she pointed her wand at the doorknob.

"Alohamora," she croaked. The door swung open. Lily staggered out, holding onto more walls. Which way had she come from? She swerved left, pulling herself up the stairs. Everytime she tried to stop for a breath, the other part of her mind told her to carry on. She needed help. Lily walked up more stairs, realising she was becoming weaker and weaker. Staggering up what seemed to be the fifth staircase she climbed up, she leaned against the banister and keeled over. Then she heard footsteps behind her.

"Lilykins!" called out someone loudly. Lily slowly turned around to see James and Sirius walking towards her. As soon as they caught sight of her face, her hair, her flushed cheeks, they stopped. Sirius's eyes' widened. Lily felt her head spin. James hurried to her.

"James," Lily moaned softly as he reached her. Then she collapsed into his arms.


	12. the brink of insanity

"We've got to take her to the hospital wing!" screamed James. He gently lifted Lily into his arms and started running in the direction of the hospital wing, Sirius running behind them. It was a relief Lily was so light. James might've been out of breath by the time they reached there. 

"Madam Malkins!" screamed James as he entered the hospital wing. There were annoyed groans from people lying underneath covers on top of soft beds. James ignored them. He didn't care how many people he woke up. All he cared about was the unconscious girl in his arms whose skin had turned a pale, unhealthy colour. Madam Malkins came round the corner, her face angry, but as soon as she caught sight of Lily her expression turned to one of worry.

"Quickly," she said urgently. She turned her back on them and ran in the opposite direction. James and Sirius obediently followed. She located an empty bed and pointed to it.

"Put her there," she said. James gently laid Lily on top of the crisp clean white covers. She was so pale, paler then she normally was.

"Oh dear, dear," murmered Madam Malins as she checked her out. "What happened?"

"We don't know, we just found her like this," explained Sirius. "She collapsed just as we reached her."

"Will you be able to fix her?" cried James. Madam Malkins took a deep breath then looked up at him. James took one look at her face and collapsed into a chair, his head buried in his hands. Sirius knew why. The expression on her face read 'I don't know'

It was night time. By this time, most of the school had found out what happened to Lily. James was surprised how many people came to visit her. Casey walked in along with Alice, Janet and Mary. As soon as Alice caught sight of her, she broke into tears and ran out of the hospital wing. Mary walked over to the bed and dropped a handful of sweet smelling lilies into an empty vase one top of the bedside table. She took a seat next to Lily on the bed and began to stroke her long, red hair. James saw Janet, her eyes' puffy and red, Casey, her face blank. He and Sirius had freed her as soon as Lily left the room. She laughed along with them, she had enjoyed the joke. Then James and Sirius decided to look for Lily and apologise to her. Only, they might have no chance of that now... James looked at Lily and his throat convulsed. He tried to stop the tears flowing down his face, but couldn't.

He looked at her again. She lay there, motionless, her expression almost serene. She looked like a princess. His sleeping beauty. He needed her. He didn't think anything would be the same without her. James suddenly heard a bang, and looked up. Dumbledore came striding through, along with Professor Mcgonagall. He stopped at the bed where Lily lay and looked at her for a long time.

"You don't know who did this?" he asked James, not taking his eyes' off her. James shook his head. "You have no idea of who might have done this?" James shook his head once again, even though his mind was screaming _Snivellus._

"We won't be able to reach her," said Dumbledore in a soft voice. James looked up sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it might be too late to save her." James stood up so fast, his chair clattered to the floor with a resounding _thud_. He ignored this and stood so close to Dumbledore they were almost nose to nose.

"Bring her _back_," he said, his eyes' burning with anger. Dumbledore did not flinch nor stop James from coming so close or threatening him.

"I cannot."

"_Save_ her for fuck's sake!" yelled James. He had a desperate urge to punch Dumbledore. To let this anger out.

"I cannnot."

"What do you mean, you _cannot_?" yelled James. Professor Mcgonnagal made no move to stop him either, as he paced the room angrily, not aware he was attracting the attention of many students who were sleeping before.

"You're telling me you _can't _save her? Why not? I thought you were supposed to be one of the most powerful wizards in the world!" said James sacastically. He kicked a chair in anger, his fists clecnhed.

"I cannot save her, James," said Dumbledore quietly, looking at him intently. "But _you_ can." James stopped short and turned to face the piercing blue eyes'

"What do you mean?" he asked. Dumbledore turned to face Lily again.

"The Cruciatus curse has been perfomed on her," he said. "Have you ever heard the about the effects of the Cruciatus curse, James?" James shook his head, his eyes' still on the old man.

"The Cruciatus curse can, indeed kill the victim," said Dumledore quietly. "But it can also drive one...crazy." James let out a breath.

"Are you saying...are you saying...Lily's going to become insane?"

Dumbledore looked at him for a moment. "No."

"_Then_?" asked James impatiently.

"I am saying Lily was, tortured enough to render her unconscious. In fact, she has been tortured so much that her mind has gone into hiding." Dumbledore looked down at James through his half moon spectacles. "Which means she's just on the brink of insanity."

"So..." said James. "What you're saying is..."

"She's not insane, but she has gone into hiding," said Dumbledore simply.

"And what does this have to do with me saving her?" asked James.

"To save someone who is so far into this stage- you would have to delve into her mind."

"_WHAT_?" asked James, horrified. "You expect me to just...just...go into her _mind_?"

"Do you want to save her?" asked Dumbledore shortly.

" OF COURSE I WANT TO SAVE HER!" roared James. Dumbledore nodded.

"Then you will have to go into her mind."

"Why can't _you_ do it?" asked James desperately. "Why do _I _ have to do it? I could mess her up further!"

"Oh, no, I don't think you could, James," said Dumbledore, and he was surprised to see he was smiling.

"How do you know that?" asked James.

"Love," said Dumbledore simply. James looked confused for a mintue, then understanding registered on his features. Nodding determinedly, he looked at the girl he so dearly loved.

"How do I get in?" he whispered.

"Professor Mcggonagal?" asked Dumbledore, and she stepped out of the shadows. She stepped in front of James.

"Now, I want you to point your wand at her, and repeat after me." James delved into his pocket and came up with his wand. Pointing it at Lily, he waited for instruction.

"_Legilimens mienda_," instructed Professor Mcgonnagal. James gulped, held his wand tightly in his hand, then yelled "_Legilimens mienda_!"


	13. returning soul

**Booooooring!! (yawn, yawn) yeah, well every story has the boring bit. Gets better after. Promise. Double promise :D**

James had no sense of direction. He felt himself falling and falling through a bright, blinding light. It was almost like when he was in his third year and he fell off his broomstick when he got hit by a bludger. Only this was worse because he couldn't see the ground beaneath him. And then finally, mercifully, his feet landed on something soft and cushiony, breaking a harsh fall.

He looked around at his surroundings. It was just blank. Empty. White. He felt anger rise up in him again. What was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go? Taking a hesitant step forward, he walked. And walked. And walked. But all he saw around him was blank whitness. Gritting his teeth, he stood in the same spot and looked up. He was going to kill Dumbledore when he got out of here. If he got out of here. With Lily. That was, after all, the reason he came, was it not?

Turning around, he carried on walking. Well, he'd be damned if he was going to walk out of here without Lily. James walked along a never ending pathway for five minutes. Determination building inside of him like a fire, giving hom the courage to go on. Not making him stop. And then he heard it. It was a small sob, coming from somewhere ahead. Hope alighted James as he bounded closer to the sobs. And then stopped short. It was Lily. She had her head in her hands and was crying.

"_Lily_!" he said. He quickly ran to her and put an arm around her.

"What are you doing here?" came Lily's voice, muffled by the sleeve of her jumped. James let out a loud sigh of relief.

"Trying to get you out of here."

"How did _I_ get here?" asked Lily. raising her head. He saw that her eyes' were red and puffy, and James wanted nothing more then to seize her, hold her and never let her go. Controlling the desire, he spoke calmly. Though his body was screaming at him to grab Lily and get the hell out of there, his brain told him to break it down to her gently.

"Whoever performed the Cruciatus curse on you...did it pretty good." Lily smiled through her tears.

"Something in your voice is telling me I'm not dead."

"No you're not," said James. "You're alive. Quite alive. But only just..." Lily looked up.

"What do you mean?" she asked. James leaned forward so they shared direct eye contact.

"When...whoever torchered you, they...well, they torchered you so much that your mind went into hiding." Lily's eyebrows creased in confusion.

"I've never heard of_ that_ one before."

"It's a complex issue," explained Jamed. Lily sighed.

"So I am..."

"At the bring of insanity," finished James for her. He willed his voice not to break. Lily looked up at him.

"God, who came up with _that_ theory?" she asked, groaning.

"Dumbledore," said James. They looked at each other for a moment. And then busrt out laughing.

"Are you _sure_ this is where you came from?" asked Lily, her eyes' narrowing with uncertainty as they passed through the endless walls that had infuriated James a mere hour ago.

"Positive," said James. He took her hand, ignoring the shiver that ran dow his spine and pulled her with him.

"Oh, I don't know, James," said Lily hesitantly, biting her lip. James turned to face her. Taking both her hands now, his gaze dropped to hers.

"Lily, do you trust me?" he asked. Lily looked taken aback.

"Yes, of course I do- but-"

"And with trust comes loyalty," said James.

"Yes, I know, but-"

"So, if you trust me, you trust that I will be loyal to you and you trust that I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you." Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, Potter. Didn't realise you were such a deep person." James snorted with laughter and turned around.

"You ain't seen nothing yet." They walked on for another five mintues when he turned around to face her again.

"Lily, why did you call me James before you fell unconscious?" Lily thought back and then looked at him.

"Well, Potter is a kind of long word to string together when you have all the energy drained from you." James smirked when he turned around because he knew she was lying through her teeth.

"There!" said James suddenly, pointing to a black door,. It looked a deep contrast to all the white they had seen.

"I think you just open it," said James easily. He turned to her.

"So...I open it...and I'll be out of my mind?"

"Oh, you'll still be in your _mind_, Evans," said James, struggling not to use a sarcastic tone. "You just won't be _trapped_ anymore."

"Oh," said Lily. She stared at the door for a minute. And then she turned to James.

"James?" she asked, a small smiled tugging at her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." she said, and she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the cheek. "For everything," she whispered. When she pulled back, James had a dazed expression on his face. Taking a deep breath, she walked towards the door, turned the doorknob and tugged it open.


	14. making a promise

James felt like he was being tugged by an invisble force, sucking him inside a bright abyss. It was the exact same thing that happened before, only this time, he was flying upwards... And then he reached solid ground. He staggered dizzily for a second. Professor Mcgongall caught him by the arm and held onto him. 

"_Well_?" she asked urgently. They both turned to look at Lily. Seconds passed...minutes... James swore under his breath. Then, suddenly, Lily bolted upright, breathing hard.

"Ah, miss Evans," said Dumbledore calmly. She looked at him in a wierd way as if she wasn't exactly sure what he was doing there. Dumbledore smiled at her.

"How are you feeling?" Lily held a hand to her head and groaned.

"Swell," she said in a low voice. James hurried to her bedside, but she didn't seem to notice. She just stared forward, expression blank.

"Now, Miss Evans," said Dumbledore, moving closer. "I know this is a bad time, but it's better if you tell us what happened now, please."

"_What_?" asked James frantically. "What do you have to ask her now, for? She's only just got up! She needs rest."

"Potter, we have to find out what happened now," said Professor Mgonagall forcibly. "If she goes to sleep or has a rest, her mind could push what happened behind her and then we'll never be able to find out who who the attacker was."

The attacker...James felt asperity blow up inside of him. Wait till he caught hold of whoever did this...he was going to wring their slimy little necks...

"Potter, if you want what happened to Lily to happen to many others, you may stay with her. But she is not the first victim, therefore, she is not the last. I trust you remember what happened to Mary a couple of years back...?"

"Mary," said Lily suddenly. Everyone looked around at her. She held a hand up to her head. "I...I...rememeber..."

"What do you remember, Miss Evans?" asked Professor Mgongall urgently, hurrying forwards.

"I..." Lily frowned. "I don't know."

"Stop pressuring her!" yelled James. He pulled Lily closer to him, stroking her hair.

"We are not pressuring her, James," said Dumbledore calmly. "Although..." He turned to Professor Mgonagall.

"Minerva, I must ask you to run up to Professor Slughorn and say that I require some Veritaserum."

"What?" cried James. "How is she supposed to tell the truth when she doesn't know what happened herself?"

"Potter, there have been cases of where the victim managed to tell us what happened, it was just lodged in the back of their mind."

"Stop talking about her freaking _mind_!" yelled James loudly.

"James," said Lily softly. "Please just...just leave it." She turned to Dumbledroe.

"I agree to taking the truth potion, Professor," she said. "But I highly doubt you will get anything from me."

"A wise choice, Miss Evans," said Dumbledore, smiling. He turned to Professor Mgonagall and nodded his head. Shooting a last, worried look at Lily, she gathered the end of her robes and hurried towards the exit.

"James...you don't have to be here," said Lily, looking up at him.

"I _want_ to," he said.

"Just...promise you won't go looking for the person, James," said Lily desperately. He looked away.

"James! _Please_..." He turned back to her.

"I promise," he said softly. Only Dumbeldore noticed he had crossed his fingers. She smiled gratefully at him and then went to sleep.


	15. veritaserum

There was a long, drawn out silence as the three patiently waited for Professor Mcgonagall's return. Finally, they heard her footsteps. She hurried forward and handed Dumbledore a tiny glass bottle. Dumbledore surveyed it for a moment, then nodded. Walking towards Lily, he spoke. 

"You will need-"

"To take three dops," finished Lily. The barest of smiles passed Dumbledore's face. He handed the colourless potion to a hesitating Lily. Her hand trembling slighty, she looked at it for a moment, then tipped the bottle to her mouth. Dumbledore pulled out his wand and pointed it at her chest.

"_Enervate_," he said. Lily looked up. Her face held no expression and her gaze was slack and unknowing.

"Can you hear me?" asked Dumbledore. There was a moments pause, then Lily answered.

"Yes."

"I would like you to tell us," said Dumbledore softly. "What happened when you went looking for Miss Anderson."

"I don't know where I was going, really," said Lily slowl.y "I was too angry at Potter and Black, I just needed to get all this..._anger_ out of me." James looked down, felling extremely guilty. This was his fault. His fault she was there.

"I walked on, past steps, rooms I had never been in or seen before. And then I stopped for breath. I was about to walk again when someone grabbed me and pulled me into this room. It was all dark in there. I couldn't see a thing. And then someeone said '_Lumos_' and then...there was light."

"Who was there?" asked Dumbledore quietly. Lily gave a deep shudder.

"Lucius Malfoy." A sound of anger came from James's mouth, but Lily appeared not to have noticed. When he looked up again, he saw a look in Dumbledore's eyes' that scared him.

"Who else was there?" he asked quietly.

"Avery and Mulciber. Luciius was the only one who spoke, though. He told me that he was the one who cursed Mary a couple of years back." Dumbledore turned to face Professor Mcgonagall and understanding flashed between them. She nodded and turned to leave the hospital wing.

"Then," carried on Lily when Dumbeldore turned back to face her. "he said they'd come up with a new...game." James hand tightened around Lily's.

"The game was to use the Cruciatus curse on every muggleborrn they came across." She took a deep breath.

"And then?" asked Dumbedore, though James had the feeling he already knew.

"And then he did it on me. They all took turns-" James abruptly stood up, his eyes' spelling murder. Dumbledore looked up at him and neither said a word to each other. James's fist clenching his wand, he took one last look at Lily and strode out. Dumbledore made no attempt to stop him.

"And then they kicked me when they passed." Dumbledore stood silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this terrible ordeal, Miss Evans," he said softly. Then, with a sweep of his robes, he was gone, leaving a depressed Lily with a new trail of fresh tears on her face.


	16. unexpected attack

**he he he! I sure love making short chapters!! ;)**

"_Lily_!" shrieked Janet as soon as she entered the hospital wing. She threw her arms around Lily and hugged her tightly. Lily laughed and hugged her back.

"Hey!" said Casey, wrapping her arms around her. "We were so worried about you!"

"You don't have to be, I'm fine," said Lily. Her eyes' fell on an anxious Alice. "Really, I am." Alice's face softened a little and she nodded.

"I _told_ you!" said Casey, whacking Lily lightly on the arm. It always surprised Lily how quickly her friend's mood could change. "I _told _you to watch out for Malfoy!"

"You _did_?" asked Lily, her face betraying her confusion.

"Yes! When we were in second year!"

"How am I supposed to remember that?" asked Lily, looking started. Casey groaned.

"How could you _forget_? I practically had to chuck Alice out of the room to tell you!"

"Lily," came a small voice on her left. Lily turned around. It was Mary. Her eyes' were glazed with tears.

"Lily, I am so, so, _sorry_!" she gasped. "If I had just _remembered_ who did it...you wouldn't...so stupid...all my fault..." her sudden outbreak of tears were rendering the girl incoherent and Lily felt nothing but sympathy for the girl as she gathered her into her arms.

"It's all over now, Mary," whispered Lily in her ears. "They know who it was..."

"_God_! I can't _wait_ to get my hands on that beast!" said Casey threateningly.

"You don't have to. I think Mgonagall's taking care of it."

"And what's _she_ going to do?" snorted Casey. "Give Lucius another Transfiguration test?" Janet giggled softly.

"If you ask me," carried on Casey. "I reckon we should get someone to teach Malfoy a real lesson..." she trailed off, leaving the girl's' looking stunned beyond words.

Madam Malkins had assured Lily, as soon as her friends' had left, that she could leave the hospital wing that very day. Lily happy and comodious at this news, hurriedly dressed into a simple top and trousers. She barely had time to marvel at how quickly her wounds had healed as she pulled her robes on. She was just brushing her long hair when she heard worried voices. Turning around, she gasped. It was Lucius Malfoy being carried by Madam Malkins and several other staff members. His peroxide blonde hair was tousled, his face bloody and gashed, his robes ripped beyond compare... Lily noticed his ankle was twisted at an odd angle.

"Just found him in the corridor," said a rather shabbily dressed professor, whom Lily had never seen before.

No, thought Lily. Who could've _done_ that?  
But there was only one name that swam into Lily's head at the rhetorical question.  
And that name was Casey Anderson.


	17. breaking a promise

**_Hello again! just a quick little note: I am dedicating this chapter to my mate, Willow. I just want to say thanks so much, you have been an enormous help and an awesome friend! I will never forget you! xxx axe_**

**2 hours earlier**

James took one last look at Lily and strode out of the hospital wing. The anger bubbling inside of him threatened to explode. By the time he reached the Gryffindor common room, his hair was even more messier then usual. His eyes' sweeped the common room, locking on Remus's. Remus stood up instantly.

"How is she?"he asked.

"Recovering," said James casually. If Remus found out what he was about to do, he'd try and talk him out of it. He didn'd want that. Nobody was going to talk him out of_ this_ one.

"Seen Padfoot?"

"Yeah, he's upstairs,"said Remus, still looking at James. "You alright, mate?"

"Yeah, just a little.." James trailed off, avoiding Remus's eyes'. Remus nodded understandingly.

"It's okay, James. She's going to get through this. She's a fighter." James laughed softly, then glanced towards the boys dormitories.

"Well, I'm gonna go chat to Padfoot. See you around, Remus," he said, waving his hand. His heart thumped faster as he ran up the stairs. Flinging the door open, he sought Sirius amongst the beds, trunks and cupboards. He found him lounging against his chair, obviously absorbed in a book. Hang on- Sirius reading a book? That couldn't be good...

"Padfoot!" said James urgently hurrying to him. Sirius dropped his book, startled. Noticing James, he stood up.

"Prongs! How is she, mate?" he asked.

"Not good," said James truthfully. "But that's not the reason I came up here."

"I want you to-"

"I know what you want me to do" said Sirius, waving his hand. James stopped short.

"How did you-"

"Friends tend to know these things, Prongs," said Sirius smiling easily. James smiled back, despite the fact a million frantic thoughts were rushing through his head.

"Where do you think they'd be now?" James thought for a moment.

"We'll deal with Avery and Mulciber later," said James shortly. He fingered his wand lightly. "For now, let's just concentrate on Malfoy..."

The blonde Slytherin didn't think he had- or ever would- experience pain as harsh as this. Every blow that came to him made him double up, yet the boy still held him up, while the other, hazel eyes' flashing furiously delivered another punch. He felt his robes drench with blood. The gasps erupting from his mouth echoed around the empty room, yet the two boys' did not care. They seemed hell bent on providing as much pain to him as possible.

"How does it_ feel_, you scumbag?" roared the boy holding him up. "How does it feel getting a taste of your own medicine?" Another punch was delivered, this time to his face. He felt his nose shatter as hard muscle connected with it. He gave a scream of pain. The boy who had inflicted so much pain on him seized him by the collar of his robes. He lifted him a little into the air so his shoes scraped the ground.

"How _dare_ you touch her?" he hissed, and behind every word was a world of coldness, bitterness and anger and the blonde boy hoped with all his heart he would never hear such cruel tones again. He still could not yet believe he was being beaten up by boys' two years younger then him.

"She _deserved_ it," he said, speaking through the blood filling in his mouth. "Filthy mudblood." As soon as the words fell out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back again. There was such a fury behind the boy's eyes', he was sure the even the Dark Lord would have been impressed. The boy, with every ounce of strength he could muster, threw him against the wall. The blonde boy heard a small click in his ankle, and giving one last scream, let darkness take him. The two boys' looked at him for a moment, then one of them spoke.

"Nice one, Prongs."

"You too, Padfoot." They stared at him for another minute.

"I think we should shift him to the corridors'," said the boy. The other one nodded, and moving towards the boy, barely lifting a finger, they dragged him across the room, kepping their distance from the person who came from the house they sorely detested. The kicked him past statues, wooden doors then stopped right in the centre.

"Yes, it really adds to the decor," said one of the boys', his tone almost as if he complimenting a textile. The other boy sighed loudly.

"Couldn't agree with you more, Padfoot." They heard a scurrying beaneath them, then a voice. They both turned around to see a girl of medium height with long dark hair and eyes'.

"_There_ you are!" she said, looking a little amused. "I was loo-" She stopped abruptly when she caught sight of the mangled body behind them. The boys' made no attempt to hide it from her view.

"Oh," said the girl softly.

"Don't worry, Casey," came one of the boys'. "It's exactly what it looks like." When the girl looked up again, the boys' were not surprised to see triumph in her eyes'.

"Good. The git deserved it. Only..."

"Only?" asked one of the boy's eagerly. The girl sighed.

"Only I wished you'd invited me to join in the fun." The threesome looked at each other then laughed.

"Come on, then," said the girl, nodding her head in the opposite direction. "Before someone comes along." Shooting a last glance at the body, the boys' nodded with satisfaction then followed the girl towards their common room.


	18. legging it

Lily was surprised to see the common room so crowded. As soon as she entered, there were shrieks and screams and she felt herself being passed from one person to the other, people wrapping their arms around her tightly. 

"Back off!" roared Sirius as he drew in front of Lily protectively. "She's been through enough already without you guys..." he smirked a little. "_Jumping_ her." There were groans of disgust and the crowd retreated quickly. Sirius turned to lily, an apologetic look on his handsome face.

"Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," answered Lily coollly. She looked around. "Where's Casey?" A look she couldn't quite place came over Sirius's face but he quickly covered it up.

"Er...don't know," he said. Lily's eyes' narrowed. Sirius took a deep breath.

"Well, when you see her, tell her I'm looking for her."

"Will do," said Sirius, bypassing the urge to let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks." Lily walked up to her dormitory and shut the door. She looked down at her clothes and graoned. She desperately needed to change.

"Hey, Lily!" came a voice behind her. Lily whirled around to see Alice grinning at her over the top of a book called 'The art of Divination'

"Hi, Alice," said Lily, flopping onto her bed. She looked at Alice wearily. "I don't suppose you have any spare clothes, do you? I think I left mine in the wash, too tired to get them."

"Oh, I have a spare!" said Alice, jumping up and pulling open her wardrobe. She finally came up with a tank top and jeans.

"Thanks, Alice," said Lily, giving her a weak smile as her friend passed the clothes to her. Alice looked at her strangely for a second.

"What is it?" asked Lily. Alice gave a start.

"Well... I just found out Lucius is in the hospital wing..."

"Oh," said Lily, pulling her hair out of her scrunchie. "Yeah, I was there when they brought him in."

"Yeah, well it's just that..." Alice trailed off, as if she was suddenly aware of what she was about to say. Lily looked at her questioningly. Alice walked quickly back towards her four- poster bed.

"I'll go and get the clothes from downstairs," said Alice, grabbing a hairband from on top of her cupboard and tying back her long, brown hair from her face. "I have nothing better to do."

"Ah, Alice, you're a _lifesaver_," said Lily as she pulled off her robes.

"Okay, lunch is in an hour, so we'll meet you down there, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," said Lily. "Oh, and Alice, if you see Casey, will you tell her I want to speak to her."

"Sure," said Alice. She closed the door behind her.

After dinner, Lily trudged back upstairs. Worried and angry. She still had not seen Casey throughout the day. She nodded at Remus when she entered the common room and walked up to the girls' dormitory.

Pulling off her clothes and pulling on her nightgown, she slipped in between the cool sheets of her bed.

"Night, Lils," she heard Janet distinctly called out.

"Night, guys." she yawned and let sleep overtake her.

It was around the middle of the night when Lily heard the whispers. Rubbing her sleep- agitated eyes', she sat up in bed to see most of the girls;' in the room conferring in a small group. When they saw Lily was awake, they fell silent.

"What is it?" asked Lily.

"Erm...Lily?" asked Mary steeping forward, looking a little scared. Lily had a feeling she wasn't going to like what was about to be said.

"It's Lucius Malfoy. He's done a runner."


	19. betrayal

"What?" asked Lily. No...it couldn't be. She had just seen him in the hospital wing a couple of hours ago. 

"He vanished right after he recovered from his injuries. Neither Dumbledore or Mgonagall had spoken a word to him yet," said Alice quietly. Mary looked at Lily closely.

"You alright?" she asked softly. Lily didn't know what to say so she nodded instead.

"We still can't believe how he got away with it," said Janet bitterly.

"He didn't, he got beaten up," said Alice lightly.

"Well, I'd personally like to thank whoever hurt him." Lily sat back down on her bed, choosing not to talk to the girls.  
She felt numb. But why wasn't she feeling anything else? Anger? Frustration? Should she be scared? Would Malfoy return to Hogwarts to continue his 'game'? They very thought turned Lily's insides cold. But she knew Dumbledore would not let Malfoy back in. Not after performing an illegal curse on two innocent Gryffindors.

"What about Avery and Mulciber?" she heard Janet ask, sounding a little scared. Lily's thoughts drifted to the two worthless Slytherins'. Severus's friends. Lily felt a hate for Severus she had never felt before build up inside of her. She was glad she had stopped being friends with him. If he would turn out like that, Lily was better off not knowing him.

"Lily, are you _sure_ you're okay?" rang out Mary's voice , loud and clear in Lily's ears. She looked up to see three faces staring down at her with concern.

"I'm fine," she said weakly. The tone of her voice did not convince her friends that.

"Look, even though Malfoy's done a runner," she said, taking a seat next to Lily. "I'm still happy. Do you know why?"

"Why?" asked Lily, turning to look at her friend.

"Because he got beaten up. He got what he deserved. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I'm glad he did. The bastard got what was coming o him. Well, partly," ended Mary on a bitter note.

"Yeah. And besides, seeing him gone, we're just happy. It'd have been much worse if he was in the school. He'd probably _brag_ about what he did to you two." Alice shuddered.

"And Avery and Mulciber are going to be taken care of," said Janet darkly. "Dumbledore will see to that." Lily felt a huge weight that had been sitting on her shoulders ever since she had been hit by the curse gently lift off her. She smiled at them gratefully. She was proud to have such loyal friends.

Lily softly walked down the stairs leading into the common room. She needed some peace and quiet and after vehemently excusing the fact that she was still not angry to her friends', they had finally given in. Lily pulled her black cardigan around her tighter. Maybe she could grab a chair by the fire. She was just starting to entertain the idea when she heard angry voices. Leaning against the wall, she eavesdropped. She didn't normally do this sort of thing, but the tone of their voices had caught her attention.

"We can't tell Lily. We _can't_!" she heard a voice say desperately. It was Sirius.

"You _have_ to," said a girl's voice. Hang on...was that _Casey_?

"Case, she's going to hex us _silly_!" said Sirius, moaning.

"Not if _Casey_ tells her," offered James.

"I am _not _telling her!" fumed Casey.

"But she's your _friend_!"

"Oh, and that lessens the burden, does it?" Lily frowned, confused. Tell her what? What were they hiding?

"You never know," said Sirius. "She might be happy of what we did."

"_Happy_?" stormed Casey. "How the hell would Lily be _happy_ if she found out_ you_ two were the ones who beat Malfoy to a bloody pulp?" Lily's eyes' widened in horror. _They_ did it? She stood, stunned for a couple of seconds. Then, taking a deep breath, she marched into the common room.


	20. losing it

"_What_..." started Lily, entering the common room and looking Casey in the eyes'. "The _hell _did you just say?" Casey's dark eyes' turning wide, she sent desperate pleas for help from the two boys' but they made no move to help her out of this one. 

"Er...Lily I..."

"Is it true?" hissed Lily, turning to Sirius. His grey eyes' were a mixture of fear and angriness. Finally, taking a deep sigh, he bent his head and muttered, "Yes." Lily exploded.

"Why the hell did you do it?" she screamed. "Why did you beat him up? No one deserves to get beaten up, even if they _did_ use the Cruciatus curse on us!"

"Lily," said Casey, eyes' narrowed angrily. "You told me yourself years ago you'd like to strangle the person who did that to Mary."

"Yes, I did," said Lily, wiping tears of anger away from her face. "But that was _before_ I discovered anger doesn't solve anything." She whirled onto James who had a blank expression on his face and treated Casey and Sirius like a stone wall ever since Lily had entered the room.

"And _you_!" hissed Lily. "You were in on this too!" An expression of fury showed itself within the depths of James's eyes.

"And how would _you_ have liked it?" he yelled, barely aware that Casey and Sirius were edging their way together out of the common room, not wanting to be included in the fight. "If Malfoy was still prowling around hexing any muggleborn he sees?"

"It's nothing far from what you do!" Lily screamed back. "And Dumbledore and Mgonagall were going to sort him out!"

"Oh, yeah, and they really rushed to perform that task," said James sarcastically.

"They would have done if you hadn't gotten in the way!"

"Well, I'm _sorry_ but all I was doing was trying to protect you!" yelled back James.

"I don't need your stupid protection! By pulling a stunt like that, you practically put us in more danger! I never want help from you again, you jerk!"

"_Fine_, I won't try and protect you again!" yelled back James, steppng forward.

"Then _don't_!" yelled Lily, feeling herself shake with fury.

"I _won't_!" yelled James, and in one swift movement, he trapped her in between her arms and kissed her hard. Lily felt tiny thrills of electricity run through her body and she gasped as his mouth moved against hers. James deepened the kiss, his strong arms pulling her in tighter to make it harder for her to try and back away.

"James..." she murmered. "We shouldn't..."

"No," he said. Slamming her against the stone wall, he said in between kisses. "Not letting you go. Just yet." He tangled his fingers against the softness of her hair. She encircled her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. So close she could hardly breathe. But she didn't want to come for air right now. His small, hot kisses made her shudder with desire and his mouth moved to her now exposed neck, kissing it...

"So you guys patched things up then, huh?" asked an amused voice behind them. Lily immediately pushed James away and starightened herself up to see Remus looking at them.

"Oh, hi Remus," said Lily, trying not to sound as flustered as she looked.

"Hello, Lily," he said, smiling. She saw James glaring at Remus through the corner of her eye and didn't need to ask him to know why he was doing that.

"I'd better go," she said hurriedly, walking away.

"Wait!" called James after her. "Lily, we have to talk!" Lily stopped, her back turned to him.

"There's nothing to talk about, James." She heard a snarl from James, but she continued up the dormitory. She heard Remus tell James, "You just have to give her some time." Sighing, Lily entered her dormitory, looking around. The lights were off and everyone seemed to have gone to sleep. Not bothering to change, Lily flung herself onto her bed and started crying. This was complicated. Too complicated. Not because of the fact that she had kissed James Potter. It was because she knew he was never going to let her forget it.


	21. facing James

Lily should have seen this one coming. James was standing casually by the common room entrance. Waiting for _her_. Lily swore softly under her breath, quietly walked back up the stairs and shut the girls' dormitory door behind her. Shit, shit, how did this _happen_? 

"You alright, Lily?" called out Alice from the far end of the room. She saw Casey look up and chose to ignore her. They still hadn't talked yet, and though she knew Casey was desperate to patch things up with her, she didn't want to give in so easily.

"Erm..." said Lily slowly. She looked down and was surprised to see she was shaking a little. The absurdity of it made her laugh out loud. Her. Lily. Was _shaking_. Because she saw James waiting for her by the common room door. And suddenly, she was laughing so hard, she could barely breath. Clutching her sides, she leaned against her bed and giggled. Alice hesitantly approached her hysterical friend and she saw Casey stand up and come nearer too.

"Lily?" asked Alice, looking a little worried. "Erm...why are you laughing?"

"I...don't know," said Lily,still laughing. And then she started crying. Huge sobs that made her gasp for breath.

"Oh my _god_, Lily!" gasped Casey, pushing a stunned Alice out of the way and forcing Lily to sit down on her bed. "What the _hell_ happened?"

"I...don't...know!" said Lily through sobs. "I mean..._yesterday_!"

"Look, Lily, I am so, _so_, sorry!" said Casey desperately. "I _really_ am! I just want you to-"

"It's not you!" said Lily, her face still covered with her hands. "It's... it's James."

"James?" asked Alice, baffled. "What did _he_ do to you?"

"Look, I know James and Sirius took that too far, but they were doing it for you!" said Casey, her eyes' tightening around Lily's shoulders.

"No! It's not about that either!" yelled Lily.

"So what _is_ it about?" asked Alice softly, sitting down on the other side of Lily. Lily raised her head, wiping away the remnants of her tears.

"It's James. I kissed him." There was a sharp intake of breath from both Alice and Casey, then finally...

"WHAT?" yelled Casey, jumping up. "That bastard! He took advantage of you, didn't he? He knew your guard was down and he went in for the kill!"

"Lily, this is a kiss, not _murder_," snapped Alice. She turned to Lily. "When did this happen?"

"Last night. When Casey and Sirius ran for it because me and James were fighting.." Lily smiled a little. She couldn't believe how easily the two had slipped out of her sight. "One minute, we were screaming our heads off and next-"

"You were kissing," finished Alice. There was a knowing look in her eyes'. Lily gulped and nodded.

"And _now _he's waiting for me downstairs...and I just _can't_. I _can't_!" said Lily and she felt the tears prickle her eyes' once again.. "I just...I want to know this is _real_, do you understand?" Alice and Casey nodded. Neither spoke.

"So, what _are_ you going to do?" asked Casey after a while. Lily sat still for a minute, her eyes' closed. Then opening them, she stood up determinedly.

"I'm going to have to go and talk to him. It's the only way. He has to know yesterday was a mistake. We are _so_ not right for each other."


	22. wound up

Lily edged down the staircase again. Taking a big gulp, she peered out of the corner of the wall. James wasn't on his own anymore. He was talking to a girl. And then Lily felt it. It was a wave so intense, it made her rollick back in surprise. Then it registered. Was she feeling _jealous_? Oh god, This was so _not_ happening. The girl laughed loudly and flipped her bright blonde hair behind her shoulder, batting her long dark lashes at James. Lily gritted her teeth but continued watching. 

"Is she still looking?" asked James, keeping the smile plastered on his face.

"Yes," giggled the girl. "But look like you're_ happy_. I'll try and look like I'm flirting with you."

"She's totally falling for this, isn't she?" smirked James, not taking his eyes' off the girl in front of him. If he so much as glanced towards Lily's direction, she would probably automatically know what was going on. She was anything_ but_ stupid.

"She looks ready to murder," said the girl, flashing him a grin."How long are we doing this for?"

"Look, you're going to get the bloody money, okay? In fact, you'll get double. Sirius'll chop in. But will you just go with the flow?"

The girl sighed but did not walk away. "Fine, fine." she muttered. She moved closer to James.

Lily couldn't help gaping. The girl and James were so close, if they moved an inch closer, they could practically be kissing. The word kissing conjured up last night and suddenly, Lily knew why she was there. Clearing her throat, she flipped her own hair behind her shoulder and started walking towards the portrait hole. James looked up when he heard her coming.

"Alright, Lily?" he asked. She glanced over her shoulder, then at the girl coldly.

"Yeah, great. Just perfect." The girl interweaved her arm through James, but James, gave her a look that clearly said 'Back off, bitch' She saw the look on his face and immediately stepped back, flashing a hesitant smile in Lily's direction, she scurried off passed them through the portrait hole. Lily watched her go and turned back to James who was watching her intently.

"Erm...I'd better go," said Lily, turning to walk. But James grabed her arm.

"Lily, we've _got_ to talk."

"I have _nothing_ to talk about," hissed Lily, yanking her arm away.

"Oh, yes she has," called a voice from behind them. It was Casey who had spoke and she was coming out of the dormitory, closely followed by Alice.

"You two have _got_ to talk," said Alice seriously, looking at Lily more then James.

"_Big_ time," added Casey. Together, they pushed a struggling Lily onto one of the sofas. Casey pulled out her wand and Lily suddenly found her arms wound up in tight rope.

"I'm going to get you for this," hissed Lily, still struggling.

"Really? You and whose army?" mocked Casey. Lily groaned. She hated to admit it, but Casey was right (for once) She had no one to save her from this evil fate. Not even James- who was quite enjoying the scene.

"Thanks, ladies," he said when they finally pulled back, satsified to see Lily tightly wound up.

"You're welcome, James," said Casey sweetly.

"See you later, Lily!" called out Alice, waving her arm and Casey pulled Alice away as Lily yelled in fury, "You can't get away with this!" The portrait door slammed shut and the sound echoed loudly. Lily looked down and sensed more then saw James sit in the opposite seat.

"Lily," he said softly, and with one finger, he gently tilted her head up so emerald clashed with hazel. "We really have to talk." Neither spoke for a while, then a soft voice broke in.

"Fine," said Lily. She turned to James who carried on looking at her wordlessely. "Talk."


	23. the talk

**Whooo!! I think this is the longest chapter I have ever written! Sorry for the short delay, this year's homework is haaaaaard!! But it's okay..I'm coping (I think) enjoy:D**

James and Lily sat and waited for the dormitories to clear. Some students shot wierd looks at the two. It must've looked quite comical, James sitting opposite a tightly wound Lily- neither talking, just watching them go by. When the common rooms and dormitories finally cleared, James turned to Lily.

"So where would you like to start?"

Lily shrugged. "Start wherever you want." James sat back, thinking.

"Wait," said Lily suddenly. "I've got a question for you."

"Shoot," said James, leaning forward.

"Okay," said Lily reluctantly. "This map that I came across..." James laughed softly.

"Did you guys actually-"

"Make it?" asked James. "Yeah."

"But..._how_?" asked Lily, stunned. "I mean, you guys got every single student, corridor and teacher inside this school." James ran a hand through his hair, sighing,

"Yeah, I have to admit, it took a while. But we got there in the end."

"I see," said Lily. Her gaze flitted to the clean panes of the window. She could see stormy grey clouds gathering. How ironic, thought Lily. This is the perfect weather for story time.

"Now_ I_ have a question for _you_," said James.

"Sure," said Lily, her gaze still on the window,. She could distinctly see the first signs of rain.

"Why do you hate me?" Lily's gaze snapped away from the window to James.

"What?" she asked.

"You heard," said James.

"I...I... stop putting me on the spot!" said Lily. She struggled against the ropes, even though she knew she'd never get out. James watched her silently, no amusement in his eyes' anymore. He had a strangely serious look on his face that scared Lily a little. Why wasn't he joking around anymore? Finally, she gave up, breathing a little hard from trying to break free.

"I'm not putting you on the spot, Lily," said James softly. "I asked you an easy question. All you have to do is answer it." Lily groaned. She could now hear the rain falling furiously, the rain droplets sliding down the window panes.

"I...don't hate you," said Lily finally. "I don't think I ever did."

"Then...why?"

"I hated you because I_ loved_ you!" yelled Lily suddenly. "Whenever I was around you, I couldn't think straight and I hated you because you made me feel that way! I was always making an excuse to hate you becasue I was scared you might find out the truth!" Lily leaned back against the sofa, breathing heavily from her outburst. Great, just great. James was probably going to think she was some insane freak now.

"I see," said James finally. Lily kept her eyes' closed. She did _not_ want to see his expression. "So how long have you felt this way for?"

"Since first year," mumbled Lily under her voice.

"Sorry, I didn't hear that."

"Since first year!" yelled Lily. She still kept her eyes' close. She was praying someone...anyone would come and free her. This was more torcherous then the Cruciatus curse.

"Why didn't you just come out and say it?" asked James angrily. She could hear him standing up and pacing the common room. "I've felt the same way ever since I first saw you too!"

"Oh, please, not now!" groaned Lily, burying her head in her hands, which kind of hurt her elbows becasue they were bound together. There was a long silence. Lily opened her eyes and looked around for James. She spotted him by the window, staring out.

"You know..." he said slowly "I felt horrible when you were in the hospital wing. I thought you were going to die."

"I know," said Lily softly. And she did. She could understand what James went through and she could understand his anger but she just couldn't understand _him._

"And that's when I realised," he carried on. "That I loved you." Lily didn't say anything. She could hear the raindrops scatter more ferociously, punding against the windows.

"I always have. And I think I always will." Both stayed silent., but Lily's head was screaming "I love you too!"

"I..." Lily so badly wanted to say the words but struggled to let them escape her mouth. James turned around to face her.

"I _know_ you do, Lily." Lily nodded and looked down.

"I just thought there should be no more secrets between us," whispered James. He walked forward quickly then stopped a few metres beyond Lily.

"Lily...I have something to tell you," he said, his voice low. Lily looked up. There was no sound. Lily looked confused as James stayed in the same place for a moment. Then, suddenly, his body shrank. His head went lower. Lily gasped as she watched James transform from a human to a...a STAG??? Lily's jaw dropped as she remembered the night she was out in the rain. _This_ was the exact stag she had seen. _This_ was the exact stag she had stroked. The stag was _James_. Lily's brain was finding this paticularly hard to process as she wordlessly watched James tranform back to his human form.

"Lily..." he said softly, walking forward. "I'm sorry...please don't hate me." His voice was pleading and Lily found she had no negative emotions to direct towards him. It was all spent. Heaving a sigh, she flopped back onto the couch, then realised it was a bad idea. The ropes stung painfully against her arms. James seemed to notice her discomfort, and with a wave of his wand, Lily's hands were free and untied.

"I'm sorry I never told you before," he said quietly, sitting back on the seat opposite Lily.

"Why?" asked Lily weakly. "Why are you an...an _animagus?"_

"It's a long story," sighed James. "A long, depressing story."

"I'm willing to hear it," said Lily, sitting up.

"When Remus was little, he was bitten by a werewolf." Lily's eyes' widened.

"You mean Remus is a-"

"A werewolf, yes." finished James. "Of course, Dumbeldroe still accepted him into Hogwarts on account of his... problem. The three of us befriended Remus quickly, he's an easy person to like. It wasn't till second year we realised something...strange was going on. Remus was dissapearing for a couple of nights every month. We decided to find out what was up with him."

"How did you find out?" asked Lily interestedly.

"Well, we tagged him. Quite hard, really. He's not stupid, he would easily find out if someone was following him. But we were glad he didn't. Anyway, we saw him go out of the castle with one of the nurses from the hospital wing. We saw him stop at the tree and it froze. And we saw him escape through a tiny hole in the tree."

"So did you see him...transform?" asked Lily.

"Nah, The next day we asked him what he was hiding from us. We practically had to wrestle the truth out him. When we found out, we decided to..."

"Turn into animals yourself?" asked Lily dryly. She didn't sound it, but she was impressed. They really _were_ loyal friends.

"I guess," said James, shrugging. "We spent around two years reading books on how to become an animagus, and finally, Sirius, Peter and I did it. Sirius turned himself into a black dog, Peter a rat and me..."

"A stag," said Lily quietly. James sighed.

"Yes." Neither spoke for a long while. Lily sat, thinking. So Remus was a werewolf. Funny, really. He didn't act anything like a werewolf- quite the opposite, actually.

"Were you upset?" asked James abruptly, pulling Lily out of her thoughts. She looked up at him.

"Huh?"

"Were you upset? The day you saw me..in stag form, I mean." Lily didn't have to think to know the answer. It must have been instinctive.

"Yeah. That was the day..."

"Snivellus called you a...a..." said James, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Yeah," said Lily. She probably would never forget that day, no matter how hard it was to erase it from her memory.

"Lily," said James desperately. She looked up. He came over and sat next to her. "Why can't we be together? Give me one good reason."

"I can't!" groaned Lily.

"See! So why won't you go out with me?"

"Because! I just..."

"Just what, exactly?" asked James.

"Just... it's like I'm giving in!" said Lily, groaning. "I mean, all these years I've totally rejected you and now people are going to think you reallly are..._charming_." James chuckled.

"Ev- I mean, Lily, I couldn't give a second crap what people think. Ignore the language," he said hastily when Lily's eyes' narrowed. "I just want _you."_

"Lily...be my girlfriend." His hazel eyes' met her emerald ones', and suddenly, Lily knew what she wanted. It had been there the whole time, right under her face. She suddenly smiled a smile that lit up her whole face, making her look more radiant then ever.

"Sure," she said.


	24. first escape

**Another short chapter! Sorry, couldn't resist! Please review!!**

****

**_Five years later_**

**First escape**

Lily yawned and rested her head on James's chest. It had been a hard day. They had moved into the new house and had to pack away all the boxes within a space of a couple of hours. They were both exhausted. James stroked her hair.

"God, I hope this is the last time we have to move," groaned Lily. She was getting sick of Dumbledore ordering them to move houses becasue they might be easier to find staying in one designated house.

James laughed. "Don't worry, we'll find somewhere permanent to live soon."

"I hope so," said Lily. She was so sleepy, her eyelids' could barely stay up. She looked through half closed eyes' around the room. It was nice. Warm and cozy. The perfect place to stay. There was wooden floors and lava lamps and soft, plush carpets upstairs. It really was perfect. But couldn't they just stay in one damn place for some time?

Suddenly, there was a bang overhead. James sat up, alert. Lily's heart thumped hard. was that him? Oh god...

"Lily, stay here," whispered James, standing up. She grabbed his wrist and shook her head desperately. She wasn't about to let him tackle whatever was up there alone. What if something happened to him? She'd never live with herself...He grabbed her and kissed her on the head.

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I promise." There was another bang. James looked up. Pulling his wand out of the pocket of his jeans, he silently walked up the stairs. And then stopped dead. He saw a flash of black robes and a snake, and suddenly, he was racing back towards Lily. Grabbing her roughly, he turned on the spot and the last thing they heard was an angry yell of fury.

"So it was him," sighed Dumbledore. He leaned back in his chair, looking carefully at the two adults. James had a protective arm around Lily but there was an expression of fury on his face.

"How long is this going to go on, Professor?" he asked. "How many times are we going to have to run away? Me and Lily are sick of it."

"We all are, James," said Dumbledore softly. "You think the order enjoys watching you having to continue escaping Voldemort?"

James hissed involuntarily. "Don't say that...that name."

"Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself."

"I am not afraid," hissed James. His grip tightened around Lily.

"I know that, James," said Dumbledore quietly. "Your eyes' show every emotion besides fear. But, I think I should aslo bring to your alert," continued Dumbledore. "Mr and Mrs Longbottom managed to escape Voldemort last night too."

"What?" asked Lily, aghast. "You- kn- Voldemort tried to get them too?"

"Yes," sighed Dumbledore, his blue eues flashing wearily. "They managed to escape just in time. Like you, they also apparated."

"What, so he's after both of us?" asked James in disbelief. Dumbledore nodded.

"Professor..." said Lily quietly He looked up. "When will this...all of this...end?"

"I don't know, Lily," he said, and for the first time in her life, Lily notcied how very old Dumbeldore looked. "I don't know."


	25. goodbye Harry

**FINALLY!! -sigh of relief- Last chapter! But, GOD, I really didn't want them to die, they were such a cute couple! Poor Harry... :(**

James grinned lazily at his giggling son as he sent sparks flying out of then end of his wand. His son watched, laughing, his beautiful green eyes', exactly like his mother's, luminous when the light of the sparks reflected on them.

"I really think he should be getting to bed now," said Lily, entering the living room. She heaved Harry in her arms and rocked him gently back and forth. James silently watched them. He yawned and threw his wand onto the sofa, rumpling his hair.

"Do you_ have_ to do that?" asked Lily, half annoyed, half amused. James grinned and opened his mouth to return a cheeky comment... and then there was a bang. Lily, looked up, half startled, half scared. James jumped off the sofa, completely forgetting his wand.

"Stay here," he said warningly to Lily. She nodded. James walked to the door and opened it. Then James's voice came, shouting, panicking..

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-" Lily felt a surge of fear run through her. She hugged Harry tight against her chest and ran as if her life depended on it. She ran swifly up the stairs, through rooms until she finally reached the nursey. She banged the door shut and cowered by the cot, cuddling her child, feeling the tears prickling her eyes.  
She head the distinct sound of high pitched laughter and suddenly... everything was quiet.

Taking a breath, Lily slowly got to her feet and placed Harry gently inside the cot. She looked at him for a long time, trying to bury his image inside her head forever...

The door banged open and Lily whirled around. He looked just as horrible as the last time. His eyes', slanted and red like a snake's, his fingers long and winding, a ruthless smirk on his lips...

He held his wand out- at Harry. Lily stood in front of him protectively, her eyes' pleading.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"

"Stand aside, you silly girl," hissed Voldemort, walking forward. "Stand aside, now..."

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-" Voldemort cackled evilly.

"I will take both of you."

"Not Harry! Please...have mercy...have mercy..." Voldemort held his wand up.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" he roared. Lily felt a sickening pain as the bright jet of green light hit her squarely in the chest. She fell to the ground, breathing her last...

Voldemort smirked at the dead body in front of him. Holding his hand up again, he turned to the boy...


End file.
